Man walks into a bar and says 'I'll have a Bud light' 'That's not your usual, Why the change?' replied the barman 'Well, last night I drank 15 cans of Coors went home and blew chunks' 'I'm not surprised' said the barman, 'Anyone would spew after fifteen cans of lager' 'No, no' said the man 'Chunks is my dog.'
Man walks into a bar, sits down and pulls a frog from his shirt pocket.
The guy next to him asks where the frog comes from.
'I imported this frog from the Amazon rain forest' says the first guy, 'It's a very rare cl*t-licking frog'.
His companion is suitably impressed. After several beers the frog owner asks him to keep an eye on this valuable frog while he goes to the toilet. When he returns the frog is missing.
'What the hell happened to it?' he asked.
'Well the barmaid must have overheard our conversation, because she grabbed it and took off upstairs.'
So the frog owner takes off in hot pursuit and tracks down the barmaid in an upstairs bedroom, naked with the frog sitting at the end of the bed.
'What happened?' he asks.
'That frog of yours is absolutely bloody useless' says the barmaid, 'it did nothing for me at all.'
The guy seizes the frog and gives it a real dressing down: 'Right' he says, 'this is absolutely your last chance. I'm only going to show you one more time.'