Jokes that you made up

securespark said:
This was a joke I thought of when I was 10...

Did you hear the joke about the oak tree?

You wouldn't want to, it's acorn-y joke and you wouldn't be-leaf it anyway.
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What sort of oak do you call that?
 
I heard this the other day, no idea from where...

A man takes his rifle in to the woods to hunt bear. he sees a bear, aims and shoots, the bear drops. He goes over to the bear and there is no sight of him. Suddenly, he feels the bear's paw on his throat. The bear says.. you took your shot and you missed, it's my turn now or you can let me roger you senseless and live. The man agrees to be defiled..

The next day the man comes back with a bigger gun, he sees the bear, aims and shoots, the bear drops. He goes over to the bear and there is no sight of him. Suddenly, he feels the bear's paw on his throat. again the bear says.. you took your shot and you missed, it's my turn now or you can let me roger you senseless and live. once again the man takes his punishment.

the next day the man comes back with a rocket launcher he sees the bear, aims and shoots, the bear drops. He goes over to the bear and there is no sight of him. Suddenly, he feels the bear's paw on his throat. The bear says, be honest with yourself - its not the hunting you are coming for is it?
 
I was watching a weird porn film the other day. It was a bloke sitting on a sofa with his trousers and pants round his ankles while he was wánking with one hand and eating a sandwich with the other. It was at that point that I realised I didn’t have the telly on.
 
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Used to go to an outdoor market on a Sunday.
There were these three Pakistanis who ran a market stall.
They had strong local accents, i said to them that they didn't sound like Pakistanis.
They said because they were born here they weren't Pakistanis, they were Paddistanis.
 
Vinty said:
Used to go to an outdoor market on a Sunday.
There were these three Pakistanis who ran a market stall.
They had strong local accents, i said to them that they didn't sound like Pakistanis.
They said because they were born here they weren't Pakistanis, they were Paddistanis.
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Is thst a real life story?
 
Mottie said:
I was watching a weird porn film the other day. It was a bloke sitting on a sofa with his trousers and pants round his ankles while he was wánking with one hand and eating a sandwich with the other. It was at that point that I realised I didn’t have the telly on.
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What was in the sandwich?
 
Mottie said:
I think it could be. I used to have some UK born Asians in my classes that came from Barking and they joked that they were Barkistani's.
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I see what your saying, its a play on words!

This all rings true as when I was working in Norfolk I met a right couple of pluckers who said they where Turkmenistani's
Working up that way for
Bernard Matthews.
 
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