Oirish Joke.

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joinerjohn

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,

'Shoite,

Shoite!'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess I was fockin' ****ed. But how'd you know?'



'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'
 
imamartian said:
... you missed the new jokes forum then JJ? :wink:
Click to expand...
Not at all Martian. The rules of the new Jokes Archive are to post on here. Only when it gets to the bottom of the first page, will it be moved to the jokes archive by admin. :wink: :wink:
 
Another one.

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird
section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,'
says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's
truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,
'Dis looks like a grand place..'

He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps
off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the
bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and
says, 'Fook dat.

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'




THERE'S MORE...





Moments later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff
carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and
breaks every bone in his body.

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting
either



IT IS NOT OVER YET...





Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean
appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of
which he pulls a chicken.

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff
and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den
Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'



:wink: :wink: :wink:
 
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