Never Ending Story

.........the minute the helicopter landed Eric knew it was a bad choice...
it was full of 'kiss me quick' hats and sticks of rock in shapes Eric could not even imagine......

why hadn't he said Mauritius or at least Torquay.....somewhere a bit more up upmarket !!

"This way" said Allia....

they made their way into the Sealife Centre' and found a spare holding tank........before you could say .......
'fish and chips twice, with mushy peas and gravy,
Eric new the meaning of Blackpools 'big one' :roll: :shock:
 
Why had he said that! :shock: It had just popped into his head. Come to think of it, that had been happening a lot recently. :? Eric wasn't sure where Blackpool was but he reckoned it would take a long time to get there. That's if they got there at all because half the time the captain didn't seem to be looking where he was going --

Edit: Damnit! Too late! :oops:

This time it was Eric's turn to slip into a blissful coma. Allia lifted him gently out of the water then swam round and round. It was the first time she'd been able to strech her tail properly since she left the river. :D

And yet, something was missing.
 
As she passed over the bubble machine the silk rippled sensuously against her skin and, just for a moment, she was back in the river, gliding through a forest of feathery fronds with the sun glinting through the floating duckweed. She loved being a mermaid, especially now that she had Eric, but this tank just wouldn't do.
 
When Eric finally stirred he saw her softly crying,

"whats up" he said.

"i miss my home in Ireland and I have lost my tail ring"
(it was really the ring pull off a coke can that had got 'hooked' but she thought it fashionable to call it a piercing)

"Tomorrow, I shall take you home....and before we go we will visit the Pound Shop and you can choose any tail ring that you like....no matter what the cost"

"Ye are just too good to me Eric" she sighed wistfully.

She slipped into the water, had a liitle nibble at the duckweed, and looked at Eric with her limpid pools. She pulled him into the water.....

"We are in Blackpool Eric, come and enjoy my Pleasure Dome" Eric had heard no one experienced The Big One twice.....but there was always a first time :oops: :shock:
 
and Eric was definitely up for it. :P :P :P

Meanwhile, back at Eric's flat, the doorbell rang and Noel. who was not quite back on planet Earth yet, answered. It was a policeman - with Fred.

"We believe this is yours. Found him wandering about down by the river. He couldn't tell us who he was but he had this address in his pocket."

And then he was gone. The fact was, they'd tested him for everything from alcohol to THC and drawn a blank so they just wanted him off their hands.

"Who are you?", Fred asked.

"I'm not sure", replied Noel "but you must live here too. You look like you've been dragged through a reed bed backwards. You really need a bath."
 
Although Fred had never been 'that way inclined' he couldn't resist climbing into the bath with Noel.....
Maybe it was the sight of the 'flexi fit' label as Noel bent over to flick the switch ....no one ever really new.

But when the water started to churn.....and the phased array activated

........the only thing for certain was that Fred would no longer be able to hide his penchant for wearing womens underwear.......

Freds Fancy Frillies......headlined the Daily Star
Another Phased Array Tatoo....was the more polite heading on The Telegraph :)
 
By this time both men were in the bath stark b*llock naked playing chicken.

"First man out's a cissy", Fred laughed, just before he squealed like a pig and threw himself out onto the floor.

"Nice try but --YEE-IKES!", screamed Noel two seconds later. "I must get this onto my game show -- I have a game show??? :? :? :? "

"Game show nothing! This thing's worth a packet." The flashing pound signs brought Fred out of his calamus induced trance.

"I can sell it to Ann Summers -- no, to the CIA. I've got to get the plans to the patent off---"

The pound signs winked out as Fred realized that he didn't have the slightest idea how it worked. :cry: :cry: :cry:
 
Freds heart sank.....all he had now was to go home to Elsie....
How on earth would he explain the tattooed underwear....
There was no way Elsie would approve of his red thong and matching peephole bra :shock:

......meanwhile Eric was wheeling Allia around the Pound Shop, he hoped she didn't get carried away, he only had a fiver and was feeling mighty peckish after last nights escapade.

......his attention was caught by the news....'Police have launched a search for Noel Edmonds helicopter....it may be linked to the dissappearance of the missing inventor who may be unaware that he is now a millionaire due to the invention of his amazing phased array machine.

Erics mind started to race.....he needed a plan......and quick
 
He liked the word "millionaire" but the publicity - the responsibility - the begging letters that would surely come through his door ---

He couldn't ask Fred what to do; not after the river episode. :? A second headline caught his eye: "Amnesty International calls for ban on evil machine." Eric was horrified. What had he done? :shock: :shock: :shock:

Allia brought him back down to Earth. "Let's get this one." She held up a ring with a heart incorporated into it. "It's only two ninety nine. :D "
 
"Gosh that's expensive" exclaimed Eric "I thought this was the Pound Shop"
But then he saw her little face drop and he softened....."No matter what the cost its yours"
He checked no one was looking and put the ring in her tail, the little heart glistened in the sun, and Erics heart skipped a beat. He knew he had to keep Allia whatever the cost.

He was relieved when he saw the helicopter was still waiting, the captain smiling "Morning Sir".
Oh bugger Amnesty, thought Eric I like the millionaire lifestyle.
"Take me home Captain"
"Certainly Sir"......

They set off homeward and all was well until they encountered THE STORM :shock: :cry: :shock:
 
The captain hadn't seen such a storm since the day after tomorrow - or had that been a video game? :? They had been flying over a top secret military base (just off the M6 near Gretna; you can't miss it) when the huge cloud rose up and engulfed them. And yet there had been no fireball - no blast wave. :? :? Through the mist, Eric thought he saw a lake, a boiling lake --

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!" :shock: :shock: :shock:
 
"Its MFI they have the Phased Array, they are on to me"screamed Eric.
"Think you mean MI5 sir" said the captain calmly
"Whatever" said Eric as he sprang to his feet.
Memories of his visit to the Costa Dorada with Doris in 1986 sprang to mind,he leapt into the aisle and started pointing frantically ......
"There are two safety exits.....under your seat is a lifejacket" what was he saying, Allia was a mermaid she didn't need a lifejacket....
but he did :shock:
"We must ditch in the sea Captain" he ordered.
No way was Eric going into the Phased Array pool...for a start he still had the same pair of Tesco Value underpants on......
We will swim to shore Allia.....I know its 39 miles but I will do it for you....

As they ditched into the sea .....out of the darkness loomed a...........
 
conning tower. "That was quick", said the captain. "I only just sent the distress call --"
"I don't think that's the coastguard! :!: " Eric was right. A hatch popped open and there was a bright flash of light --
"Jack Hammer, News of the World. Get in quick. Everybody's looking for you. Wow, you really can't see the join can you :o - but that can wait. Look at these headlines."
Eric stared at the plethora of computer screens:

MOTHERS' UNION IN RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE. Reclaim the bathroom ---
ORGASMATRON IS DEVIL'S OWN HANDIWORK says Reverend A Tubthumper --

"A bit rich that, from a man who owns half the sex shops in Soho :lol: ", Jack chuckled "but enough of that. What's your side of the story? :D "
The captain got in first: "News of the World did you say? :lol: Two words; you're fired!"
 
"Yes, your fired" said Alan Sugar...
"Where did you come from" said Eric.

"I'm trailing this bleedin' load of losers"Sugar said
They couldn't run a newspaper if they tried for 168 years and 8,674 editions....
Come on....I'm looking for someone to go into business with"

Erics head was spinning, he didn't like the way the crew were all eyeing Allia, she was still looking gorgeous, flashing her tail ring, and the wind was blowing her hair exposing her gorgeous breasts. There was no way they were going to have her as a masthead.

Eric grabbed her "Come on...jump"
Together they jumped into the ocean and started to swim for their lives.....
 
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