Never Ending Story

Fred touched the mermaid with his fingertips, her eyes started to roll,
'to be sure ,ye know how to treat a lady'
whispered the mermaid......gazing into Freds eyes
'maybe we could be spending some time together Freddie'
Eric looked aghast......the mermaid was HIS.....he needed to act fast.....
 
"Oh, I nearly forgot", said Eric. "I bumped into your wife earlier -- just coming out of the fishmongers."

It was a stroke of pure genius but to no avail, for the mermaid was too far gone with the lozenges to notice - or was it the lozenges?
 
Or was it Freddie's 'stroke' of genius that found the magic spot. (On a mermaid??? Don't ask; you really don't want to know! :lol: ) She threw her head back and let out an ear-splitting scream before slumping to the floor, apparently lifeless.

"Oh no!", wailed Eric. "Not again."

"Again? You mean --- When did ---

LOOK OUT! DON'T STEP ON IT!!!!"
 
Freddie gazed in amazement, the mermaid lay exhausted and panting.
There on the ground were four perfectly formed fish fingers.....
They didn't dare look.....
the mermaid slowly raised her hand to her cheek....
 
-- as if to check that it was still there - that she was still there. Eric, relieved that she hadn't died again, cradled her in his arms. She smiled sweetly then closed her eyes and fell into a coma.

"Leave her; she'll be out for hours. You don't know much about fish do you."

"More than you know about women!" came a voice from the next room, followed by the sound of a door slamming shut. But Fred was oblivious. He stared at the fish fingers. "Funny! I thought they'd be pink and, well, sort of egg shaped. Get over here; we'll have to be quick."

Eric froze as a hideous thought flashed through his mind. "Y'you don't mean ---"
 
...fish finger sarnies"

the thought of warm bread, melting butter, and a crunchy fishfinger was making Erics mouth water.

"Of course not" said Fred "this could make us millionaires"

-At the word millionaires the mermaid started to stir.

Fred reached down snatched the fish fingers and made off into the sunset.

A tear slowly rolled down the mermaids cheek......and Eric felt ashamed ....how could he.....even think of it.....he would never eat a fish finger again. Never ever, even when they were 'buy one get one free at Asda'

He wanted to hold the mermaid close .....and make everything better ......
 
But the thought of any kind of food had made him hungry - and the mermaid must be too. He looked around the kitchen and there, on the table, was a note:

GONE TO THE PUB

THAT THING HAD BETTER NOT BE HERE WHEN I GET BACK

YOUR DINNER IS ON THE FLOOR. COOK THEM YOURSELF.

DORIS

Slowly, the truth dawned on Eric and he burst out laughing. He had the mermaid and Fred had four fish fingers! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
nothing could dampen his spirit.....
even the fact that the dog had just eaten his dinner from the floor.
What could he offer the Mermaid....would a sprinkling of goldfish food suffice.
He noticed her eyeing 'Nellie' nervously as she swam in circles in her bowl perched on the telly.
He thought of Doris.....her wrinkled stockings, her vest, her moustache.
And in a flash....he knew....
He had to get away....
and take the mermaid with him........
 
-- back to his basement flat. His mind was racing now. He would need a bigger bath. No, he would have to convert his flat into a pool. But that would be a prison. There was only one solution; sell up and buy a place with direct access to open water.

That was it - a riverside cottage
 
Eric dashed upstairs to pack....God his clothes were a mess and his Tesco Value underpants a dirty shade of grey....but time to shop later, he wrapped the mermaid in Doris' best tablecloth, embroidered by her great, great, great , great grandma but he didn't care.....he set of to his basement flat....tomorrow riverside cottage.

........meanwhile Fred arrive home from the pub feeling merry, tomorrow he would hit the nationals with the fish fingers.
tomorrow he was a millionaire.
he checked the fridge to admire the 'loot'
the shelf was empty.....
'Elsie...where are my fish fingers'
'gave em the kids for dinner....they had fish finger sarnies.....

Fred never knew if the pain was in his heart or in his wallet ....
as he slumped to the floor......
 
-- then a glimmer of hope. He raced round to Eric's flat where Allia - well he had to call her something - was lying in a bath with her name on it already while Eric chopped up water reeds.

"Not again!"

"You what --", said Eric, puzzled.

"When she howled and passed out, you said not again."

So Eric recounted the episode by the river with the phased array and how he thought he'd killed her by mistake.

"That's it!" Fred was beaming now. "She's spawned once already - in the water. There's a fortune lying in that river and it's ours."

"Yeah, but you haven't a hope in hell of finding it?"

"No, but I bet she can." said Fred, holding out a tin of lozenges
 
Eric wasn't sure.....the mermaid was his not Freds. He had to stop Fred from giving her the lozenge.
"Look Fred I don't quite know how to say this, But were enjoying a 'quiet moment' together.
Fred gave a knowing look.....
"better than Doris eh mate "
Eric sighed ..... "well,it's so much nicer without the moustache"
See you tomorrow then.......
Fred closed the door and Erics mind was racing.
He needed a plan.......
A cunning plan......
 
His mental cogs were still grinding as he carried the reed platter into the bathroom.

"I heard all that" said Allia between mouthfuls "but don't worry. I've got a cunning plan."

And with that, she pulled him into the bath for a quiet moment
 
Eric decided the words 'quiet moment' were rather an underestimation.
Could a mermaid really do that !!!!!

He wanted to ask her about the cunning plan, but every time he tried she dragged him back under the water.

Eventually she started to sleep...singly softly to herself...
in her lilting 'oirish' tone....it was a strange choice of song...
Paddy McGintys Goat....
But it made Eric think....

'Thats it....I will take her back to 'Ireland'

Did Ryanair take mermaids....first thing tomorrow he would find a way to take Allia home.
He tried to sleep but all he could see was Paddy McGintys goat.
he was getting worried about himself....very worried!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top