Never Ending Story
- Thread starter tim west
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they called the Worm. Three cutting heads with three beryllite tipped rotary hammer drills each - and in the centre of each one, a plasma jet to slice through metal. The Worm packed some awesome power but there was a problem; it wouldn't exist for another 4000,000,000 years!
Gordon wasn't going to wait. He picked up a handy sized granite chunk and called up the shaft, "Need any help?" Meanwhile, the ghouls were boarding a train to nowhere and singing "One Way Ticket To Hell And Back"
Gordon wasn't going to wait. He picked up a handy sized granite chunk and called up the shaft, "Need any help?" Meanwhile, the ghouls were boarding a train to nowhere and singing "One Way Ticket To Hell And Back"
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When Gordon heard that help was required, he tried but didn't really know what to do.
He then remembered something else that hadn't been discovered - the computer. He logged on to diynot and asked the experts on there for advice.
He then remembered something else that hadn't been discovered - the computer. He logged on to diynot and asked the experts on there for advice.
As always, there were many replies, ranging from the practical ("Just keep clearing the rubble as it falls.") to the facetious ("Borrow a Borg phaser.") to the downright rude (Stick to what you know; put the effing kettle on!")
It was Tim West who came up with the definitive solution, though it was not something Gordon wanted to hear --
You're trapped in a never ending story. By the time Yudi breaks through to the surface, the storyline will have changed beyond all recognition and you'll be trapped somewhere else. Your problem is that you're too well known and you lend yourself to all kinds of bit parts. Your best options are:
1) Lie low until everybody's forgotten who you are then sneak out while nobody's looking.
2) Get yourself an alter-ego on DIYnot and write yourself out - but don't be too surprized if somebody else puts you right back in again!
3) Write a decent ending, sell the whole thing to a movie producer and retire on the proceeds.
Gordon thought the last option sounded good - but not good enough. "Stuff that" he thought. "I'll make the effing film myself."
It was Tim West who came up with the definitive solution, though it was not something Gordon wanted to hear --
You're trapped in a never ending story. By the time Yudi breaks through to the surface, the storyline will have changed beyond all recognition and you'll be trapped somewhere else. Your problem is that you're too well known and you lend yourself to all kinds of bit parts. Your best options are:
1) Lie low until everybody's forgotten who you are then sneak out while nobody's looking.
2) Get yourself an alter-ego on DIYnot and write yourself out - but don't be too surprized if somebody else puts you right back in again!
3) Write a decent ending, sell the whole thing to a movie producer and retire on the proceeds.
Gordon thought the last option sounded good - but not good enough. "Stuff that" he thought. "I'll make the effing film myself."
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He started writing memos to remind him of some of the events that were taking place at that time. Would anyone believe his story when he mentioned some of the well known ghouls who were under-performing when confronted with the recent stressful situations.
Yes they think they are great when someone is standing beside them with an auto -queue and they can perform to instruction - but when confronted with a real situation, they find it difficult to think on their feet. Indeed they find it hard to think on any part of their body - as they are operating outside of a gravity field.
Yes they think they are great when someone is standing beside them with an auto -queue and they can perform to instruction - but when confronted with a real situation, they find it difficult to think on their feet. Indeed they find it hard to think on any part of their body - as they are operating outside of a gravity field.
Gravity. That was it. When he was in the Ossi kitchen, just before he grabbed the busbar, he could feel the pull of gravity. This place, he suddenly realized, was different. Maybe it also existed outside of time - and that could solve the problem of what to call his film.
Wombles of Atlantis? Absolutely not!
Four Billion Years AD? Too corny.
World's End? Taken already.
But how about "Lost In Time"?
So somebody builds a fake time machine as a film prop - except that it isn't a fake. It travels four billion years into the future and crash lands on a hostile Earth inhabited by strange creatures who rebuild it then travel back to the present and modify the original so that it really will travel to their time.
At that moment a train pulled up and the ghouls all piled out
Wombles of Atlantis? Absolutely not!
Four Billion Years AD? Too corny.
World's End? Taken already.
But how about "Lost In Time"?
So somebody builds a fake time machine as a film prop - except that it isn't a fake. It travels four billion years into the future and crash lands on a hostile Earth inhabited by strange creatures who rebuild it then travel back to the present and modify the original so that it really will travel to their time.
At that moment a train pulled up and the ghouls all piled out
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They were pushing and shoving as they all piled along the platform.
People were terrified to see these strange looking visions coming towards them - even more frightening were the visions of Terry Wogan and Susan Boyle wobbling along. Gravity definitely wasn't on their side - they bounced between other ghouls and looked totally out of control.
The time machine suddenly appeared on the platform and out climbed two warlocks.....
People were terrified to see these strange looking visions coming towards them - even more frightening were the visions of Terry Wogan and Susan Boyle wobbling along. Gravity definitely wasn't on their side - they bounced between other ghouls and looked totally out of control.
The time machine suddenly appeared on the platform and out climbed two warlocks.....
"How did you get here?" asked a perplexed Gordon.
"Where the hell are we?" said the first Warlock.
"I can see that." replied Yudi who had come down out of the shaft to clear the rubble.
"What in God's name --"
"This" said Gordon "is Yudi. He -- er, I mean it, is Ossi - and it's going to get us out of here."
"But this is Hell." groaned the other ghouls - all except one. The old Womble stepped forward.
"I've been to Hell lots of times and it never looked like this."
Suddenly, Gordon remembered two things. The first was Mary --
"These creatures are virtually indestructible. Almost anything in this place could be lethal to us!"
The second was an old Star Trek movie.
"I've worked it out.", Gordon shouted to anybody who would listen. "We're in the nexus."
"Where the hell are we?" said the first Warlock.
"I can see that." replied Yudi who had come down out of the shaft to clear the rubble.
"What in God's name --"
"This" said Gordon "is Yudi. He -- er, I mean it, is Ossi - and it's going to get us out of here."
"But this is Hell." groaned the other ghouls - all except one. The old Womble stepped forward.
"I've been to Hell lots of times and it never looked like this."
Suddenly, Gordon remembered two things. The first was Mary --
"These creatures are virtually indestructible. Almost anything in this place could be lethal to us!"
The second was an old Star Trek movie.
"I've worked it out.", Gordon shouted to anybody who would listen. "We're in the nexus."
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"..and the nexus one to sing in Susan Boyle". The ghouls applauded, while the warlocks looked on in horror.
They had heard of an ancient queen Susan who had controlled her dynasty by singing to the people and enchanting them. This led to many jumping off cliffs and roof tops and ending up in the eternal kingdom of Susan as moronic ghouls, where they were controlled by singing 24 hours a day.
Susan started to sing, leading the warlocks to panic and rush back down the platform to the time machine.
They had heard of an ancient queen Susan who had controlled her dynasty by singing to the people and enchanting them. This led to many jumping off cliffs and roof tops and ending up in the eternal kingdom of Susan as moronic ghouls, where they were controlled by singing 24 hours a day.
Susan started to sing, leading the warlocks to panic and rush back down the platform to the time machine.
They jumped in, revved the engine and floored the throttle. Would the platform be long enough?
The question was academic because Ibrox Grand Central Station existed outside of time as they understood it. There was nowhere to go
The question was academic because Ibrox Grand Central Station existed outside of time as they understood it. There was nowhere to go
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They disappeared through a black hole and left everyone stunned.
Susan finshed her song and with Terry led the ghouls in the opposite direction. They decided it wasn't safe staying on the platform as other beings could come back through the black hole - but where could they go?
Susan finshed her song and with Terry led the ghouls in the opposite direction. They decided it wasn't safe staying on the platform as other beings could come back through the black hole - but where could they go?
There were only two choices: climb the shaft or get on a train. At that moment, Yudi hit a weak spot and sent half a ton of rubble cascading downwards. Boarding a train to nowhere looked like the safer bet but Gordon was unsure ---
"Does anybody know where these trains go?"
"Well now." said the old Womble "The real question isn't where; it's when. I've been on lots of them and I've worked it out. They travel sideways through time."
"Does anybody know where these trains go?"
"Well now." said the old Womble "The real question isn't where; it's when. I've been on lots of them and I've worked it out. They travel sideways through time."
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Yudi and Gordon looked perplexed. Nobody was clear as to the best route to take. However the train moved - backwards, forwards or sideways, they had no idea where they were going to end up.
Womble felt inside his furry pocket and found an ancient coin with two heads. They couldn't toss the coin as both sides were identical so Womble suggested throwing the coin in the air and both Gordon and Yudi would try to catch it. The winner would be the one holding the coin and he would decide on their route off the platform.
The others agreed that it seemed a fair way of deciding on the route. All the ghouls stood back and Yudi and Gordon faced each other and Womble threw the coin in the air between them.
They waited patiently, but the coin didn't fall, intead it went higher and faster until it disappeared from sight.
Womble felt inside his furry pocket and found an ancient coin with two heads. They couldn't toss the coin as both sides were identical so Womble suggested throwing the coin in the air and both Gordon and Yudi would try to catch it. The winner would be the one holding the coin and he would decide on their route off the platform.
The others agreed that it seemed a fair way of deciding on the route. All the ghouls stood back and Yudi and Gordon faced each other and Womble threw the coin in the air between them.
They waited patiently, but the coin didn't fall, intead it went higher and faster until it disappeared from sight.
Just then, a train arrived and everybody except Yudi got off.
"What are you doing here?", Gordon asked himself. "Why didn't you get on the last train?"
"What train? We're waiting for a coin to come down." replied the other Gordon.
"You mean this one." said the first Gordon, holding the coin for all to see.
"Right!" said the old Womble. "Everybody who was here already MUST get on the next train or we - and you - will all cease to exist."
Gordon made a mental note to incorporate the time paradox in his film
"What are you doing here?", Gordon asked himself. "Why didn't you get on the last train?"
"What train? We're waiting for a coin to come down." replied the other Gordon.
"You mean this one." said the first Gordon, holding the coin for all to see.
"Right!" said the old Womble. "Everybody who was here already MUST get on the next train or we - and you - will all cease to exist."
Gordon made a mental note to incorporate the time paradox in his film
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Gordon was now feeling very pleased with himself, but was over confident with his guidelines to the masses.
Everyone was now on the train and he passed instructions through the carriages to be alert for his signal to get off the train.
He looked as though he was in control, but had no idea where they were going or what they should do next and hoped that something would happen to indicate the right time to leave the train.
He didn't have to wait too long. The train started shaking as though they were experiencing an earthquake. Gordon ran to the front of the train to see what was ahead of them. A bright red glow was ahead.
"This is the time to exit left" he shouted as the message was sent through all carriages.
Everyone was now on the train and he passed instructions through the carriages to be alert for his signal to get off the train.
He looked as though he was in control, but had no idea where they were going or what they should do next and hoped that something would happen to indicate the right time to leave the train.
He didn't have to wait too long. The train started shaking as though they were experiencing an earthquake. Gordon ran to the front of the train to see what was ahead of them. A bright red glow was ahead.
"This is the time to exit left" he shouted as the message was sent through all carriages.