Never Ending Story

"Small round soft centred chocolates with shiny red foil wrappers" OH! i see what you mean, "the one i saw was very furry"
 
"Y-YETI!", blurted the young assistant. "A big, hairy, yellow Yeti with a stone club --- and cybermen --- and Gor--"

"I only saw a small brown one." said the manager. "A dwarf I think. Reminded me of something but I can't quite place it. Seemed to appear out of nowhere. Next thing I knew it was gone."

DS McGooliegrab pondered this. "Bank robbers in costumes. Where have I seen that before?"

""Batman?"
 
Or was it a gang from the local pantomime in the next road. They were not making much money and looking for ways to improve their finances. By using their disguises they could try to pull off a local robbery.

They chose a time when they would all have alibis as they were on stage, but managed to buy the same costumes and dressed up as each other while the same main characters appeared on stage. A darstardly plan, but one thing they hadn't thought of....
 
-- that the Starwars pantomime had flopped and they played to an empty house that day. Bye bye alibi!

What's more, DS McGooliegrab knew his movies --

"Batman? Nice try PC Murdoch but you need to get out more. The Ewok, the Wookiee and C3P0; book 'em Stavros!"
 
They all plodded off towards the waiting vans when Womble shouted "Quick!Scramble, go, go,go in all directions."

They all ran down every road, alley, field, pathway they could find. Some took the route over the bridge towards the canal. They waited under the bridge until all was quite and breathed a sigh of relief, thinking and hoping they were safe. However they didn't realise that there were eyes watching their every move from the cold midnight waters.......
 
for the devil would not rest until all the ghouls were safely back in Hell.

But it was hard to see clearly from his position below the surface. Some small-time Glaswegian crooks were in serious danger of being grabbed by mistake
 
but the devil wasn't thinking too kindly of Glaswegian crooks. He thought they would deserve to be herded up with all the ghouls and be sent to where they belong.

He submerged and swam to the edge of the river. By that time more people could be seen down by the river and it was obvious that timing was out for collecting this horde of people.

He decided to wait and bide his time. It wouldn't be too long before all believers in the more wholesome way of life would be leaving the area for safer places like home. Then he would strike and hoard in his catch.
 
As the first dawn light appeared, Mac the Midget and Slasher Joe saw that everybody else had gone. It seemed a good time to move on - but they froze in their tracks as a mermaid rose out of the water in front of them.

For the devil could take many forms and maybe beauty would succeed where the beast had failed. Mac reached out for the luscious bare breasts and fell head first into the water. One down! Joe was not so stupid - but then she started to sing
 
-- a song about Nothing. On and on and on she went - about how "Nothing means nothing to me" - until Joe's tiny brain could take no more and he threw himself into the murky depths.

Meanwhile, back at the branch --

The Glasgow branch of Sweets-R-Us, Gordon fell flat as the sudden return of gravity caught him off-balance. The rules of Hell were clear: For every soul taken early, another must be released and Gordon, whose death had been so outlandish that you couldn't make it up if you tried, was at the front of the queue
 
He wasn't going to go easily, he would definitely put up a fight. He realised that there was something untoward in the canal and came up with an idea to get the mermaid more than she bargained for. He met his old pal Eric the electician. They planned to load a line of electrodes along each bank and then send a decoy along to entice the mermaid to come to the surface. When she appeared they would make the connection with all the wiring and electrocute the surface and hopefully fry the mermaid in the process.
 
At least that was what Joe hoped - but Eric wanted the mermaid for himself. What he actually built was a phased array to send pseudo-random streams of wavelets into the water. "That ought to tickle her fancy" he chuckled to himself
 
The problem was he got the frequency wrong, so instead of creating wavelets, it boiled the surrounding water and poached her good style.
 
So he decided not to wear a dress shop and chose instead
a full Manchester United football kit.

Actually he never did like John Torode and Gregg Wallace,
they were always so fussy with their food,and why did they have
to eat such huge mouthfulls and then start talking.

So he phoned Channel four and asked to be considered as
an applicant for Come Dine With Me.
 
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